Bouncing on succulents like a faun.
On the hillside I enter into the environment with willing playfulness.
The call of the cormorant sparked curiosity in my own breath
Whistle as I exhale with a jerk up of the sternum.
Once I started, didn’t want to stop, joy lived there.
Bobbing like a seal came naturally after that, toes pushing in earth to raise sternum and head higher out of the ocean waters that filled my imagination.
All become so real.
Opening to undulating ocean movements loosened spine and all a sudden the joker manifested with wiggles and waggles as if my bones were made of rubber.
Jamie and Kate stood at a distance between the setting sun and myself; the front of their bodies open like flowers bathing in light, receiving and giving becoming one.
I know I have been avoiding facing that ball of light, I know there is a story projected there.
With caution I mimic my teacher and friend, willing to witness what rises, tired from avoiding.
Sternum that felt so open and buoyant tightens like a fist, pulling jaw into clench with it. Body folds into itself till I become a ball on the ground.
But I want to see. Rise up again and look!
Standing tall and open memories can’t help but to flood in filling chest with pain and rage.
“I don’t want you here!” I yell inside, outside now gone, descending into darkness.
“You have stolen my sun! It’s not yours to have!
Take your white sari off her! I don’t want to see you there anymore!
Where am I in all this? What have you done to me? Give me back!”
Of course under the rage is something even harder to feel, don’t want to feel it again; afraid if I allow that feeling She will steal me away again.
“You can’t have me anymore!
It was so easy to belong to you; I used to rest in the safety of the soft folds of your skirt. You don’t understand; you made it impossible for me to open again. That was my bliss; my openness, you took it as yours! How can I ever open this cavity again?
Everything that is essential and dear to me I found with you; I thought was you! And you let me believe it! And in that way, stole what is mine!
I know I gave it to you willingly, but I was like a child offering to my mother, you should have known better. Why didn’t you say,
‘This is yours to keep and honor, I am just a mirror to all that you are.’”
“Guru be gone, pure Sun rise before me!”
No comments:
Post a Comment