I can not separate the sounds coming in through my ear from the vibration through this giant rock I have wedged myself underneath. I can’t see the waves, I feel them inside of me. A deep rumble louder and louder like a train coming, thump as it hits hard surface, my bones. Haaaaaa as the wave exhales and receeeedes hssssss grrrgulll out threw the sand.
Being wedged in this rock was like condensing my five day experience on the beach into a concentrated dose of medicine. In that moment I panic. I birth myself out from between the rock so my body has the freedom to respond to all sound vibrations.
Pussy cat pussy cat where have you been?
To the ocean to visit my Queen.
Pussy cat pussy cat what did you do there?
I crawled inside her to become her air.
Coming here I touch Home,
I touch essence of Self that is not separate from Creator.
I breathe with That which I am again
I rest in That.
Being held by rock, drift wood, sand, wind, and the warm flesh of others….
I finally rest at home with others
in my self.
Waves coming in and going out, waves in my body as breathe was my theme.
Slow smooth waves, quick hard to catch waves, waves that spiral into tide pools and holes in rocks, the stillness between the waves, the undertow below the surface, the waves that are there constantly even as I wander away and forget them, waves that keep coming back, receding and coming forth, expanding and contracting, going in, and out, alone and with others.
Twenty years ago I new this place as a twenty five year old. A long slow inhale, an undertow current took me far away from this place. But I am finally understanding that the current always returns, inhale is always followed by the exhale even in the movement that is my life.
The experience at twenty five was different. At forty five I have discovered that the expression of intensity can be subtle and playful as well as big and dramatic. I know longer feel a need to cling to stories of my identity. On my life’s journey I have traveled deep inland to the places of no ocean or sound. I know from those places there is nothing, nothing to hold onto. And I know I can choose to decorate myself with the clothing of any identity and it is not who I am.
And this too is not who I am.
Exhale
I role out on her tongue
Wet and slimy
I slowly rise in the puddles of crystal light
The breeze dances me
Pause into stillness and wait
To catch the inhale
I tumble down, bones folding on top of each other
Tongue curling back into dark wetness.
“pa” soft wind
“pa”
Soft lips opening for a glimpse of light
“pa”
Soft jaw closes
Wind rushes in
“pa” open
“mmm” close
head sits gentle on top of spine
bobbing like a buoy on the oceans undulations
soft spine, soft jaw, soft lips
kissssss
“pushhh”
blow spout
______________
The experience out at Sea Ranch CA for 5 days was so rich. I look forward to seeing how I integrate it all. I wanted to get it out and share some of it quickly here while it is still fresh in my body, and before I enter the wild of this San Francisco city. HERE is a link to Jamie McHugh’s web sight if you are interested in knowing more about this work called “Somatic Expression.”
I met Jamie 20 years ago while studying with Ana Halprin at her Tamalpa school. Jamie was somewhat fresh out of Ana’s school back then. It was beautiful to experience him now as he has integrated Ana’s work and other forms into his own unique form. Which is hard to even really call a form because his gift is in the way he can simultaneously hold the container for all of us and give such wide breath for all of our unique journeys of unfolding, contacting, expressing our Self in body and nature.
