Saying Goodbye to Home

     If you have read these posts in sequence from the beginning you know a bit about my recent past, but I will say a bit here again for those who are entering now.
    I had shared a home with my life partner for nine years.  In 2005 after fifteen years she and I separated.  I new eventually I would need to leave this house I had so many associations with.  This house became a kind of vessel to hold all my grief.  In June this year I finally emptied the house to prepare to sell it and moved into town.  For over ten years I had been living a very uncreative life.  Those last nine years with my partner in that home embody the height of my feeling dead inside.
    I find it curious that as soon as all her and my stuff, (I still had so much of her stuff in there), was cleared out; it was like I could fall in love with my home again.  I could appreciate all that home and those years had given to me and an explosion of creative impulse ensued.
    I went up to the empty house on my own and started to document my saying goodbye rituals.  These two videos are part of a whole series called Saying Goodbye to Home. 
    I would like to acknowledge and thank my life coach / feng shui/ astrologist guide.  Without her coming into my home and challenging me to get rid of my x’s stuff and all un essentials, I would probably still be living up on that hill hiding from my self, life and my purpose… THANK YOU SARAH  MITCHELL!!!!!!!!

A Ritual: Goodbye to Home from Mano Sipowicz on Vimeo.


Entering - Light from Mano Sipowicz on Vimeo.

Creativity

"Creativity is not a noun or even a verb—it is a place, a space, a gathering, a union—a where—wherein the Divine powers of creativity and the human power of imagination join forces. Where the two come together is where beauty and grace happens and indeed, explodes. Creativity constitutes the ultimate in Intimacy for it is the place where the Divine and the human are most destined to interact." -Rev. Matthew Fox

      
     A space to gather and feel that union... right here on this blog.  Magic is happening.
     This quote that someone else posted on facebook this morning, feels so true today after more time spent editing a video.  I can't decide if this feels like an orgasm or having a baby, definitely a kind of intimate explosion with self and (what i will call) life force.  My body is vibrating.  I love this tumbling out of different creative moments and forms from improvisational movement to photos to video... tumbling out, revolving becoming more, gaining speed.  So curious what the "landing" will feel look like?  Can it keep turning & growing?

One long Motion picture

     Some would say that I am too hard on myself, well I say I am too hard on myself, the internal judge is always after me.  But what if that judge is actually a super hero strength of determination dam it!  I am the bull after all.  What if I can’t commit to anything in this world not because I’m fucked up but because I’m committed to one true understanding in this single body, committed to knowing Love/God right here inside!

…Just a glimmer of a thought…  just saying, it could be true,   maybe…..

    a few glimmers this morning, nice shiny ones.  I was up late editing some video work (I’m looking forward to sharing, and trying to be patient).  It was probably the biggest chunk of time I have spent yet on editing in iMovie.  I ended up dreaming about it most of the night, motion divided into clips that could be stopped, cut, edited; so many clips of motion making a whole long motion.  When I woke I had a very real physical understanding of something I heard Amma saying over and over again but it took editing a video to get it.  “The past is a canceled check.”  That always felt so abstract to me, as most of what she said did.  I would sit there and inside be saying, “and, and”  waiting for the how to do that.  I think I needed this visual learning experience to be able to really see life as a movie or as a play (as they say in Hinduism).  I understood after my dreaming that all life is a creation, a  l o n g   motion.  I can choose to stop and focus any where on the l o n   or   g  of the movie.  All of a sudden one clip of the movie feels less important to me.  This is a huge relief for someone who obsesses over the past.  Now I can see so clearly that the past is only one clip, REALLY, only one… there is a whole movie to watch, get over it!  And what a gift that we have this choice, to choose what clip of my life I want to focus on.  I am the creator,  hello mano, wow!
   
Thank you guru iMovie!  Thank you bull headed woman for staying true to your self no matter what others see you as.  Dani, I’m building my tower!