Some would say that I am too hard on myself, well I say I am too hard on myself, the internal judge is always after me. But what if that judge is actually a super hero strength of determination dam it! I am the bull after all. What if I can’t commit to anything in this world not because I’m fucked up but because I’m committed to one true understanding in this single body, committed to knowing Love/God right here inside!
…Just a glimmer of a thought… just saying, it could be true, maybe…..
a few glimmers this morning, nice shiny ones. I was up late editing some video work (I’m looking forward to sharing, and trying to be patient). It was probably the biggest chunk of time I have spent yet on editing in iMovie. I ended up dreaming about it most of the night, motion divided into clips that could be stopped, cut, edited; so many clips of motion making a whole long motion. When I woke I had a very real physical understanding of something I heard Amma saying over and over again but it took editing a video to get it. “The past is a canceled check.” That always felt so abstract to me, as most of what she said did. I would sit there and inside be saying, “and, and” waiting for the how to do that. I think I needed this visual learning experience to be able to really see life as a movie or as a play (as they say in Hinduism). I understood after my dreaming that all life is a creation, a l o n g motion. I can choose to stop and focus any where on the l o n or g of the movie. All of a sudden one clip of the movie feels less important to me. This is a huge relief for someone who obsesses over the past. Now I can see so clearly that the past is only one clip, REALLY, only one… there is a whole movie to watch, get over it! And what a gift that we have this choice, to choose what clip of my life I want to focus on. I am the creator, hello mano, wow!
Thank you guru iMovie! Thank you bull headed woman for staying true to your self no matter what others see you as. Dani, I’m building my tower!
…Just a glimmer of a thought… just saying, it could be true, maybe…..
a few glimmers this morning, nice shiny ones. I was up late editing some video work (I’m looking forward to sharing, and trying to be patient). It was probably the biggest chunk of time I have spent yet on editing in iMovie. I ended up dreaming about it most of the night, motion divided into clips that could be stopped, cut, edited; so many clips of motion making a whole long motion. When I woke I had a very real physical understanding of something I heard Amma saying over and over again but it took editing a video to get it. “The past is a canceled check.” That always felt so abstract to me, as most of what she said did. I would sit there and inside be saying, “and, and” waiting for the how to do that. I think I needed this visual learning experience to be able to really see life as a movie or as a play (as they say in Hinduism). I understood after my dreaming that all life is a creation, a l o n g motion. I can choose to stop and focus any where on the l o n or g of the movie. All of a sudden one clip of the movie feels less important to me. This is a huge relief for someone who obsesses over the past. Now I can see so clearly that the past is only one clip, REALLY, only one… there is a whole movie to watch, get over it! And what a gift that we have this choice, to choose what clip of my life I want to focus on. I am the creator, hello mano, wow!
Thank you guru iMovie! Thank you bull headed woman for staying true to your self no matter what others see you as. Dani, I’m building my tower!
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