I have entered the Santa Fe River again, and the River has Responded

Sucking Rock Finding Water from Mano Sipowicz on Vimeo.

It has been almost a month since I was at the ocean dancing (go HERE to see more about that).  Why did it happen this day, this last Sunday….  The night before had been Very Red on a club dance floor with a beautiful woman.  And Sunday itself, I had a movement warm up in Randy Millers “Soul Motion inspired class,” connected to breath again like I had at the ocean with the waves.  It was also a very emotional day, meaning lots of crying and confessions and feeling exposed.  By the afternoon I just new, I NEED TO CONNECT TO BLUE.  As I started to prepare, clouds gathered outside, as if nature herself was egging me on to come play; it had been perfectly sunny before that. 
A friend asked me later, “what is blue?” 
“Blue for me is the ocean and waters of the earth and sky.  I know oneness in blue, some would call that god.”  I had been longing to connect to that again and today was the day.

As I drove to a more secluded place in the Santa Fe River is started to drizzle as I have only ever experienced in Santa Fe.  It is the kind of rain that brings out rainbows, as if angels are crying soft tears to heal our open wounds.  If you blink you might miss it or think it was your own tear.  Sky of extreme colors; dark Shiva blue clouds next to the whitest white that one only encounters with god and then Virgin Mary blue sky filling it all in. 

Nature was responding to my longing or was I responding to her movements?

Moving in nature with a camera is a strange balance for me of authentic somatic movement with a strong visual witness presence.  Not quite the same as it was moving on the beach in California with no camera.  There, I spent a lot of time in restful movement, actively observing nature, taking it in with my whole bodies response.  But today it was easy to tap into that somatic remembrance.

I didn’t know this day, that it would actually be the somatic movement of sand that would help me to reconnect with blue water.  I had forgotten how much time I had spent being with the sand; watching it as it shifted down the side of a hill.  One pebble touched by wind, it would shift, and then another, and then a whole group tumbling after it, as if they did not want to be separated and yet not clinging.  As I watched this movement of the sand, my body could not help but to also move.  You will see in the video a kind of twitching movement, which is the sand shifting within me.  With out purpose I found that movement again on the side of the riverbed and that shifting in my body sent me to the ocean that lives in my own body.

And I am grateful for this day!

Three days later it rained a bit harder and I went out with my camera to capture sound and motion.

Last night it rained so hard that it snowed in the mountains and this morning the river flowed full and then down to a trickle at least till noon.  And in that trickle I walked with the Santa Fe “Ditch Witch.”   She is going to do a spell for me, for this creative adventure that started this summer when I quite teaching Nia because I was having three migraines a week, spent a month in migraine hell and slowly started to hear the whisper (with the help of my brother) within my own self, I’m an artist and then with some bashful giggles saying it out loud to others, “I’m an artist.”  It is this phrase that the ditch witch is blessing with my intentions, river findings, and her extraordinary wisdom of time being an artist herself Erika Wanenmacher.

To receive the blessings from this Santa Fe River, from this place, I must enter her with my whole self, with touch, breath and movement I offer my self to her in gratitude for the gift of her that is also me that is also the ocean that is also god.  As I gift her I gift myself, as I gift all those that have helped me to arrive at this moment!  Thank you !

Rock,   rock is just larger piece of sand.  This day I sucked on sand till I found water.  Isn’t there water in rock? 

Diversity Within My Own Self

These are all self portraits or as i like to say self play.  this used to be called Moods of Mano, but in honor of today's “LGBTQQIA Spirit day Wear purple in remembrance”  i have changed the name.  Acceptance of diversity in others begins with self acceptance, and this is my creative way to practice that, celebrating of all my different faces, desires, moods, selves.  To see the full set on flicker go HERE

Mr. Red has more to say

“And for those of you that are late bloomers in the freak department, it’s never too late to be all that you never thought was possible, be what you see in others and feel envious of, be what you project onto your spouse or lovers or god or goddesses. 
My self, I’ve been hiden in caves and under rocks for too long, I almost forgot I was human.  But I kept seen this woman walking threw the arroyo with eyes open as her heart, I couldn’t help but follow her one day.  And I saw her, dancen there with some other friends; they had painted themselves red, red like me!  Why would they make themselves look like that?  And they were celebraten, the color red, and laughen, laughing so hard I saw tears splash from their eyes.  And then I heard a sound I hadn’t heard since I was a child, giggle, I giggled.  A giggle from my own mouth.  Later that night, I came out with the moon and took off all my ragged brown baggy cloths.  I needed to see for myself, what was I hidden for so long?  Flesh, skin, bones, 10 toes, two hands & feet, ‘yup I’m human.’ And in that moment I new, bein human is all that is required, in fact that doesn’t even mean I need two hands & feet, but I sure am lucky to have them and I plan on usen them, want to touch everythin and everyone with them, yes my feet too. 
And I think this woman Mano, we’re gonna get along just fine.  She thinks the caves I’ve been hiden in are some kind of goddess temple.  To see her look at this dark danky place, oh my, her eyes glaze over and sparkle, she’ll walk right up to a big bolder I had found too hard and drape her body over it, just lie there breathen.  Sometimes I think if I’m quiet enough I might be able to hear what they’re sayen to each other, the bolder and her, I know their talken.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to see what she sees in those caves, but I sure did like her red lampshade, never seen such a beautiful thang.  Seemed like a perfect hat for my coming out photo shoot, my own little celebration.  Actually shared it with Mano, real nice to have someone to share with now.
And well that’s the point that I was trying to tell you.  You never do know who your going to meet in a dry arroyo, so get out there.  They don’t have to be wearen the same hat as you.  In fact they may like your hat more than you did and maybe you like theirs more than they do, why not trade, ha, a red hat for cave.  Seems like a good exchange to me.
Real kind of you to listen, appreciate it a lot.  Been a long time with out words so I might sometimes say to much, I apologies beforehand if it all gets too borin for you just get up and walk away, I wont be offended.  Have a good night now.  Heard something about a dance on Friday night, Mano and I might go together.  Don’t tell her though, I haven’t asked her yet.”

Mr. Red Photo Shoot

I met Mr. Red in the Santa Fe River.  He was shy at first.  But yesterday afternoon he showed up at my studio and wanted a photo shoot.  He said, "this is for all the teens out there that think that they are freaks and that there is no hope.  I want you to know there is a place in this world for you.  This world is upside down.  It is your very uniqueness that makes this world alive, beautiful, interesting.  Some day this very freakishness will be your asset.  Go ahead were a lamp shade if that's what tickles your fancy."









To see more of this photo shoot go to FLICKER

Spotted Mr. Red in the River Today

Looking for Mr. Red from Mano Sipowicz on Vimeo.

To see more about Mr. Red go HERE

Shadows of Mr. Red in the Santa Fe River - first sightings

Sept 12th 2010, to see more photos from this series go to FLICKER

How do I enter the river after being at the ocean? A metaphore for a lot more...

How do I enter the river after being at the ocean?
And not even really a river because it’s dry right now.
And it stinks in some places like someone’s septic tank is overflowing.
And there are mounds of garbage everywhere.

How did I ever see beauty here?

I want to lie in the sand here but I am distracted by the thought of some biting insect finding me so I don’t follow my impulse to rest there.

I go home and cry and wonder if I will ever feel the soul of the Santa Fe River again.  That riverbed that runs behind my house, it had been refuge and inspiration during this past summer.  It was like it had run threw my home and body and surcharged me with its energy force. 
Now I have come home after being away during the fall equinox, I didn’t get to go threw that transition with my earth here.  I feel separate from her.  I am feeling very fall feelings.  I feel like something has died inside of me.  I am afraid of this feeling of internal death because it has been with me for so much of my life already. 
I don’t understand coming home to this after feeling so alive and connected to ocean and creative source in California.  I remember telling ocean, sunset, rock, wind, sand, “you are here” as I touched my heart and belly tears trickling down my cheeks, “you come with me, I am not separate from you.”  And I thought it would be so.

Everything I have written above…(some part of me is frightened to say this)… I could replace the words…
River for partner, ocean for guru/god

I remember touching my guru’s heart and my own at the same time when it was time to leave her, crying and with a demanding tone to my voice I would say, “you come home with me here!”  And I thought it would be so.

How do I enter intimate love after being with Universal love?
How do I love my partner after knowing divine love with my guru?
How do I come home to this body after knowing home in Spirit?


I WANT TO KNOW!

I have failed at this before, these transitions…
I remember coming home after months of traveling with our guru, after months of being absorbed in her Shakti Love Vibration.
My partner and I, we didn’t know how to do it?  I would go numb and feel agitated by her humanness and mine.  All I could do was watch tv.  I died inside each time we separated from our guru, I also separated from my self and the one that I loved. 
This went on for over ten years.  (and there are other layers to this story)

It is because of this failure to love the one that I loved that I feel so stubborn now about knowing the ocean in the river, knowing beauty where it is hard to find beauty, knowing god in my self and in all those that I see. 
I feel stubborn about yelling at the angels to let me land, “Release your claws from my shoulders, I know longer want to be carried.  Release me here on this earth, let me love as a human loves and in that, and in that I become divine.”  I am not looking for angel’s wings, I am looking for my feet, and my feet dancing with other feet.
This is my practice, and right now the only way I know how to practice this is threw some creative expression, my art keeps me connected to my heart, my heart is my ocean of love.
I have experienced beauty & love in this river before; that is the truth I need to hold on to.
Now, river means my own self.

This is my river, The Santa Fe River New Mexico.  To see more photos go HERE

This last time i went out to the river, i was greeted by this lovely display of hearts right where i enter the river bed, felt like someone was purposely mending my heart. For more river heart rocks go HERE