Breath + Heart = Art

Saturday, September 11, 2010

What Lives in this River

Photos from The Santa Fe River, New Mexico, between Camino Carlos Rael and Siler rd.
July 25th 2010. To see the whole series as a slide show go to FLICKER (there's more)

To see photos of cars used for river erosion control in other places scroll down a bit.

River Revelations: Worthy as a dead skunk

After a storm i was walking in the dry river bed with a friend when we came across the skin of a skunk. Wonder if the river skinned it? It had rapped itself snuggly around a branch. It was going to dry real nice. So i continued to check on it every so often, thinking that eventually i might take it, teeth and claws were still in tacked, really a great find.

I went out again a few weeks later after another storm, I was looking for the skunk when another woman came along and asked what I was doing. I told her about the skunk; she new exactly which one I was talking about. We decided this last storm must have taken it. She started talking about how she wished there wasn’t so much garbage in the river. I couldn’t help myself, I blurted out like a playful puppy, “oh I love all the garbage, I bring home treasures almost every time!” And I pulled out of my pocket the one I had just found. About an inch long piece of meddle with the words “worthy” on one side and “in” on the other. She said, “indeed!” Before we parted she thanked me for changing her way of experiencing the garbage and our river.

Now if I could only cultivate that kind of compassion for my own internal garbage, see it as beautiful. I think that’s what the river was trying to tell me that day, “it’s all worthy, inside is worthy, not just what you see on the outside.”

Check this out, found the definition of skunk medicine

LINK "SKUNK - brings us an awareness of self-respect. When we fully accept who we are and learn to express the essence of ourselves, without ego, we attract those who share our path and repel those who don't. Skunk medicine is the original "Walk your talk." It is about developing a good self-image. In brings increased sensuality spiritually, sexually, psychically."

oh and by the way, the Native word "Shikako" or "skunk place" is recognized as the origin of the name "Chicago" my birthplace. Wild onions grew all over that area. Wonder if that shikako smell will just never wash off?

sorry only had my cell phone camera for this photo of the skunk

Erosion Control

Old cars have been used for erosion control along the costs and rivers all over this country, here are some other examples:

Found this at http://www.flatheadbeacon.com/articles/article/the_evolution_of_erosion_control/19039/

this is along the Flathead River in Montana. Its a great article of a man who remembers helping his father put the cars along the river in the 1950s as an errosion control experiment, "Once in the water, if the cars held, they became a sturdy part of the bank, resisting the river’s strength in ways soil couldn’t. If they didn’t hold, they became an odd sight, drifting down the river like some metal Montana hippo."

Found this at http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/1895


Found this one here http://www.pbase.com/kayakbiker/image/46806450 Along Rout 66 http://pictureroute66.com/2009/10/23/dirt-66/

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Rio Bravo

there is a chance i need to go where the river is called Rio Bravo!

i am guessing there was a time that the river flowed bravely there.

What have we done?

The river behind my home, the Santa Fe River is a vein that feeds that Grande. The source of the Rio Grande is at the base of Canby Mountain Colorado. As the river enters Mexico it becomes Río Bravo del Norte, or Río Bravo! Many must find that Bravo to cross the river, to cross the border. And the exit is at the Gulf of Mexico near Brownsville, Texas.

The veins connect us all.

I searched for a long time on google for a clear map of where the Santa Fe river meets the Rio Grande, i find it strange that i could not find one. I find it strange that all these years living here i have never touched the Rio Grande as it runs near Santa Fe.

This river behind my house makes me want to touch new places, in myself, in my country, in Mexico. I want to go touch the source of my little vein up in the Santa Fe mountains, i want to touch where my river meets a larger river, i want to touch the Grande river's source and end. And who knows where all that will lead me???

The ghosts of longing

Longing is a familiar emotion for me; look I live in a desert even though I know water feeds my soul.

And, there is a way that this dry New Mexico land has actually taught me about water, the water of my spirit. I have learned to appreciate shallow oases and short afternoon rains within myself. And yet I don’t want to stay comfortable in longing, I want to know continual flow.

Something I haven’t yet really talked about on this blog much less fully acknowledge in my own self, is that in leaving my old home I was choosing to leave not only longing for an intimate fulfilled love but also longing for God that had felt separate from me.

For ten years I moved with a guru around this world, content with moments of bliss when her eyes looked upon me, and content with 90% of the time being in a state of longing for more. There is no doubt that that 10% of fulfillment taught me so much; taught me what it is I want, what it tastes and feels like in my body.

But during that 90% time I was living with the belief that I must not deserve 100%. I am not worthy of gods love, of love, of contentment, wholeness, embodiment of god. Just as I had believed I would die with out my partner and that it was she who made me whole, so I did with my guru.

I have tried to keep these old longings buried by leaving them up at the house, but they are still with me. Even though I have physically moved from that home the ghosts of those longings still linger and sometimes haunt me.

I was lying in the tub the other night and finally allowed myself to feel the longing again for something greater than my own self. I have been afraid to feel this because I thought it would mean I still wanted to be with my guru. I used to lie in the tub or float on water and imagine it was my guru holding me. But even with that I would still feel emptiness inside and I longed to know god/guru inside. All of a sudden in that moment the other night it became clear to me that since I left my gurus presence I have been working on feeling full of god/Self but now I could clearly feel an emptiness around me, I missed being held by a larger river bed than my own body. I finally allowed myself to feel longing for That again, but That with out a name I had called my guru and even with out a name of any god.

It was difficult for me to admit that not only do I want to know that again, but I need it, I need to feel contained and carried, that I am not the only one doing all the work. That was new to admit to myself.

Curious, I wrote the above last night, now after posting the below videos from Morazan, and coming back to this writing again I can see the connections. Maybe I am projecting onto him my own story, maybe it helps me to find my own. I see him haunted by old gods and trying to find a way to connect to them in this modern world. It is really the same for myself even though I don’t come from a religious tradition. Actually the lack of a religious context makes my confusion and longings feel like a bottomless pit that may never be filled, or sacred ground to walk upon; hungry to devour other’s gods.

I wonder if Morazon feels lost, because as the observer looking at his work, yes I see his struggle and longings, but in That he is also found. Can he see that, does he realize he is becoming one with those gods?

Can I see that, can I accept that the ancient ones are with me even if I can’t feel them or even know their names? Can I accept that I am being held all the time?

I can’t really explain how but there is a way that this dry land has actually taught me to be fierce. This land has taught me to not be content with feeling dry, but instead to reach even deeper inside and out for what feels missing but may actually be here all along even in this sometimesdry river bed…. life is present.

May my art be the food for these ghosts of longings, may this feeding fill the empty ghosts so that they may be the gods that they are.

Thank you Irvin Morazan

Irvin Morazan

Last night one of my video's was in a show of short videos called Drift here in Santa Fe. This was such a thrill to have my work viewed in a public live setting rather than the internet.

There were several pieces that really moved me, one by the artist Irvin Morazan. The first photo below is from that video. Going to his blog I discovered he seems to be into creating these elaborate headdresses. I think it is Morazan’s juxtaposition of ancient sacred symbolism with the modern that so thrills me. It reminds me of the natural garbage sculptures I find in the riverbed after a flash flood. In the video called “El Salvador” it seems the old gods have not been lost but are transforming themselves to our new ways of worship; break dancing in the streets to the beat box god.

To see more of his work go HERE